Being generous of spirit is a wonderful way to live. ~Pete Seeger

One of the habitual patterns I have noticed in myself is a scarcity perspective towards life – a general sense of not enough. My hope while walking the Camino was that this tendency would shift towards a more generous and abundant life stance. As a reminder of this intention, I carried a rock with the word abundant written on one side and scarcity on the other. I had a few other intentions written on slips of paper to be burned in the Pilgrim’s fire at the end of my journey in Finisterre. I asked my husband if there was anything he wanted me to carry and burn for him as well. His immediate response was to give me a hundred dollar bill, symbolic of releasing his attachment to money for his sense of security. In the end, he settled on a twenty-dollar bill since it was a symbolic gesture, after all, and parting with $100 seemed a bit excessive.

Of course I had a few self-righteous thoughts about his decision – something along the lines of, “So much for detaching from money.” The funny thing about judgments is they are often a reflection of a denied part of myself. While walking the city streets of Vigo one evening I spotted an elderly homeless man bundled up in a blanket sleeping in an alcove between two shops. His dirty backpack was tucked under his head for a pillow. Stirred with compassion, I decided to leave him a few Euros. I looked in my wallet, but alas, all I had was a 20 Euro bill. Luckily, my companion had five Euros so I slipped the bill under his backpack as an anonymous gift. Walking away I was suddenly struck by the parallel thought process I had as my husband. I was willing to be generous but only to a point.

There it was, my scarcity fear rearing its head, whispering in my ear – If I give away too much there won’t be enough left for me. I better conserve my money, time, and energy, just in case. Much to my chagrin, being extravagantly generous is not my natural habitat, though I’d like it to be a place I dwell easily. All along the route of the Camino I was met with the generosity from others – the warm smiles of strangers, the apricots from an elderly man’s garden, the English teacher who walked us to our hotel when lost in A Guarda, and the choir of voices that greeted us in Santiago. Each act of kindness was my teacher and healer, reassuring me there is always enough. The openheartedness I encountered along the way helped me realize the insanity of trying to cling to things I think will keep me safe or happy but in the end, are things I can’t hold onto anyway.

Questions: What would it be like to let go and trust there is enough?